So I say, bring it!

Written words, to me, were like hieroglyphs. i don't know what change, i know when, about the middle of second grade. i still cannot spell. i often cannot read a word out of context. Example "patriarch" i looked at this word for like 20 minutes, and i could not for the life of me read it. i know what it means, have heard it plenty of times before. BUT it was all by its self on a paper. i stared and stared and tried to make sense of it. it's the weirdest feeling, having no idea how to make sense of it. i am not kidding about the hieroglyphs thing, I vividly remember this! i am pretty sure my mind just learned to compensate, you know, because like i can read now. :) hum, can't spell, probably will never be able to. But you still love me right? Right. Sometime I just think about all the crap i had to overcome academically and emotionally and I want to cry. It was/is soo hard for me, and i am so lazy. Not a good combination. Why was my life so bleeping hard? To the cross i look. That's really all i can say. This is where i find deep hope, forgiveness, worth, purpose and peace. Sometimes i think that if i did not have these wounds, maybe i would not have clung to Christ so. So i say bring it. i know that truth in life is in my understanding of Gods holiness, and my humility. I cannot even imagine the state of my mind if i did not have the cross. i don't understand how people live without Jesus .my heart squeezes in my chest when i think of how grateful to Jesus i am. I cannot wait to be with him forever.