So I say, bring it!

Written words, to me, were like hieroglyphs. i don't know what change, i know when, about the middle of second grade. i still cannot spell. i often cannot read a word out of context. Example "patriarch" i looked at this word for like 20 minutes, and i could not for the life of me read it. i know what it means, have heard it plenty of times before. BUT it was all by its self on a paper. i stared and stared and tried to make sense of it. it's the weirdest feeling, having no idea how to make sense of it. i am not kidding about the hieroglyphs thing, I vividly remember this! i am pretty sure my mind just learned to compensate, you know, because like i can read now. :) hum, can't spell, probably will never be able to. But you still love me right? Right. Sometime I just think about all the crap i had to overcome academically and emotionally and I want to cry. It was/is soo hard for me, and i am so lazy. Not a good combination. Why was my life so bleeping hard? To the cross i look. That's really all i can say. This is where i find deep hope, forgiveness, worth, purpose and peace. Sometimes i think that if i did not have these wounds, maybe i would not have clung to Christ so. So i say bring it. i know that truth in life is in my understanding of Gods holiness, and my humility. I cannot even imagine the state of my mind if i did not have the cross. i don't understand how people live without Jesus .my heart squeezes in my chest when i think of how grateful to Jesus i am. I cannot wait to be with him forever.

    

Moving on..

I am completely freaked about moving. I trust the one I have giving my life too, I just know, sometimes He takes us on paths that are not so pleasing to the flesh, my flesh she is a worried. But I do know that even in the pit, even in the fire, God refines and makes something lovely. Such a freaky trip this life is. That bad can be good and good can be bad.

I♥Blogs.

I really hate having my blog linked up with my FB. I want to have a blog to write, be random and not feel censored, but not like I’m going to &*%# like a sailor or something. Remember blogs? A slower place, BC /FB days. I really like to read strangers blogs, such talent!, I wish I could write like some of them. This one lady, I read an entire year worth of her blogs, I am not sure why. She was working toward getting her doctorate, then she got it and got a job, she had nice hardwood floors in her house. She was an academic type. Not pretty, or maybe just not photogenic, Kind of chubby too, but she was somehow appealing, in an, I have a lots of neurotransmitters, so who cares what I look like any way. I really remember these blogs I read, one time I read like 15 people in this family, they all seemed so squeaky clean, white, nice, upper middle class, I was thinking, these people all have this squeaky clean quality but somehow are missing the mark. Them I figured it out! They were all Mormons! No offence random Mormon who might stumble on my blog, but you got to admit the Mormons got the mild toast thing down pretty well. Sometimes I comment on these blogs, one time, ok this is embarrassing, there was this handsome 30‘s something single Christian guy with a blog, he long forgot about, I left a comment. Then I went to my blog and made sure my profile picture was a rare cute one. Sometimes I think, man if I was married id never want my spouse to see me like this, I’m beat by the ugly stick! Then sometimes I thing, really id like someone who actually is not shallow, and can see past my imperfections, then I think, dude, that is a lot to ask. Ok so sometimes my inner 14 year old girl sits on the throne. Some blogs are sad, like the ones about people who have had sick or disabled children, or the teenagers who are narcissistic and self destructive. I am board to tears over then we are just 30 and look at our cute kids and fantastic house and my great husband….blah blah gag me blah. How can your own mother even stay awake?? Ok I know that is mean. I read this one blog about this American who lives in Japan. That was interesting. I read this super long blog testimony about this OR RN and how she came to the lord. Or this blog about this American right out of college living in Africa, funny, she said in her blog, that it’s so frustrating the way Africans do things, and you just have to learn to go with the flow. Years later my pastor said the same sort of thing about how things get done in Africa. I took that to mean Americans have a formula for everything, a schedule, a way of doing things. RTFM. And maybe possibly Africa is much more free spirited. I think my favorite random blog was this retired couple who traveled all over the world. That was fun! Omg I hate stay at home crafty blogs!!!! LOL I am so intimated by them. Like 1. You have a husband who loves you enough you get to stay home. 2. You have money to buy crafts. 3. You have some sort of talent, I will never have, and quite possible never want. I will never be in the club and will always wish I was. I know that is mean and bitter, I am working on it. Some blog are more like photo journals, I like them especially if they give some details as to what I am looking at. Oh lord not the vegan blog, omg no, I really don’t want to be a slave to food anymore then already am. Anyway, this is my new and improved blog entry FB free. Just to sit alone is cyber space, keeping the lost socks company.

I like random lists

I like random lists
1. I have noticed that I write little notes at work all day long, like names of books I want to read, quotes I want to remember, verses from the bible, verses from songs, blogs to read, podcasts to download on and on…..
2. Often when I am the most perplex about something is when I am closest to understanding it
3. Jesus loves you
4. I’d love to be a missionary someday, like whatever kind of missionary I don’t care, just living my life to point people to Jesus, and loving on them.
5. the UN in NY has a statue with Isaiah 2:4 on it.

props to my man DK

Most of my friends know I am super Dean Koontz obsessed. I adore his books; I never tire of reading and re-reading them. Oh if could write like DK!!! He puts such human longing for hope, peace and for goodness in his books ! All wrapped up in alien encounters, people who have gone before, human-like intelligent dogs, guardian angles, pastry chefs, and the most complex bad guys ever(Including an evil clown or two ) Ok enough gushing. DK's book, The Face, might be my #2 favorite DK book of all time and I have read 33 DK books. It is a perfect example of DK geniuses. It’s got the protagonists an ex-police detective whose wife, the love of his life has died, who is searching... A lonely little boy, (son of a mega movie star "the face") whom is nearly abandoned in his dad’s mansion neglected by “nominal mom” and “ghost dad” and who is of course the target of a deeply disturbed megalomaniac. The bad guy (megalomaniac) is a total whack job; he is a neat freak, anarchist and friend of chaos.

Props to my man DK. I Love this brilliant book. well thats all im gonna say about The Face,....go read it :)