eHA

some of my recent observations about joining eHarmony

eH, is hard on my self esteem..... dude like really??  I am not pretty enough for YOU? 
i know that sounds mean, but 45 year old men are not gods gift either. that sounded shallow, oh well .
 its amazing how much you can like someone from their profile, i wonder if in real life you'd be like... Hum no. i think its part fantasy the whole "profile" thing  and chemistry is a weird thing , like at least for me, its not always exactly how they look or what they say , sometimes attraction is undefinable.  one thing  i learned about myself from the like 40 matches in 2 weeks is, i don't like guys that look unhealthy. like " I'm 45 and i look like i might bite the big one from a heart attack any minute now".yuck. You can have a face like molding clay left in the sun, and i wont bat an eye, but if you look like you are not gonna drop dead from clogged arteries, I recoil. this is probably hypocritical of me since i am chubby. But really its not about weight per say,  just the old sick man look. Another observation i have,  some guys  when i read their profiles i swear i see what the "X" was like, it is like  they are building a case for someone not like her. i think i did that in the beginning too, my profile was a bit intimidating.  my 17 year old niece pointed that out :) Well i just changed it, lets see if anyone will talk to me now?  i am a bit self reliant , sure of myself and strong. that should not be the only foot i put forward.  well, anyway on a more personal note, for my blog that none but my BFF reads ( thank you PJ) I had to do some real searching in my heart, the word, and prayer to know if  1. was i was biblically divorced 2. do i have the freedom to marry again 3. how was i going to glorify God in this?   these question are answered and i have warmed my kids up more to the idea. i am trying to make sure  they know they are number one and i would not put any need i might have before their needs or well being.
so wish me eluck!!. :)

o-meter

So like,… no try again. Once upon a time,.. Nope.
 The other night my friend and I were talking and I made a confession, hum oh I’m not very driven to like accomplish whole lot, like you know open a restaurant, climb mt bhal blah or write a novel, have all the laundry done in my house at one time, be an overachiever. It’s not that I am lazy; I mean I am lazy but that is not why I am not driven. The truth is since I was 19 had a hard time planting my feet too firmly in this soil called earth. I never wanted to get a degree and make a bunch of money and buy a house. It was like once I became a Christian I just wanted to live for the lord and not having a particular talent or academic achievements I just was not into like the whole get her done thing. I really wanted to be an overseas missionary, this got side tract of course. I think I started to wish I would could change when I felt like I did not fit in. but, I was a dismal frailer at this. there is this very nice lady I know,( this is just a causal observations of her) she stays at home w/ the kids ,home schools, has this immaculate house, green house garden, hikes, bikes, skies, runs, is thin, eat like organic, GF, no dairy, buys her honey from a local bee keeper, her milk from a goat farm. Makes all her meals ahead of time and freezes them doesn’t drink coffee. Should I feel wholly inadequate or should I embrace the slacker with in? I am chubby, never skied in my life, my house is only marginally clean, I make dinner only a few times a week, and I love sugar and coffee. If you’re the chubby one in the scenario, I guess the lesson here is not to compare ourselves eh?. But I must say to myself, what are the things when I am standing before Christ and must give an account?? How well did I love my children? How did I treat the least of these? Did I strive for money? For praise? Did I tell others how Jesus loves them? Did I seek Christ in all things? Did I really pray for people when I said I would? What about the widows and orphans? Was I serving those who could not repay me? Did I love Gods word?, self control, discipline? Was I caught doing His work when He came back? Good works? Spending time with the lord? Fellowship and praise? Was my life set apart?  I  do know as I fall more on the slacker line, in the slack- o -meter I have my own unique sins to watch out for. Anyway I am not sure how to end this post. So I will end with the slack o meter. Tell me how you fare.

wicked hog

Sunday night rambling

My observations, thoughts and ramblings of the day

1. The satin sheets I bought on sale, pretty as they are, are hard to sleep on. It’s like Crisco on a water bed.
2. Once again, I think, Without God what on earth do people find purpose in? ( certainly not satin sheets)
3. Velveeta dose not have to be in the fridge I’m a little weirded out by that. Not so weirded out that I don’t eat it
4. I watched a terribly acted robin hood movie today,” dude, like no ^~(* way!! “ hummm… Are you sure they said the expletive, F word in the middle ages? What did they say? Like, you are a hog’s tail? Or maybe, something like go to purgatory, you wicked hog.

their desperate ballet in the sky

Share Starlings - Album Version by Randy Stonehill
One of my favorite songs

STARLINGS

Riding with my family in a '58 Buick
I can still recall
How we'd drive through the valley
To my Grandmother's house
Every summer vacation
When I was small
And I'd gaze out the window
At the farms and the orchards
And the sound of our motor
Would frighten the starlings
And they'd rise from the fields to fly

My mother would grumble
"Those birds are a curse
They're a thorn in the farmers" side
But I couldn't help feeling sad and inspired
By their desperate ballet in the sky

Chorus
Say a prayer for the starlings
A hot, dry wind beats their ragged wings
Have a thought for the starlings
No one ever listens to the songs they sing
Say a prayer for the starlings
There's no welcome for them anywhere
Leave some crumbs for the starlings
They say that winter will be cold this year

She was sitting on a curb by the Seven Eleven®
She asked if I had some spare change
Her skin wore that leathered and wind burned look
And the light in her blue eyes was wild and strange
I sat down beside her and asked her name
She said, "Pick one you like, I need something to eat"
And her life made me think
Of the dead leaves in autumn
Drifting like ghosts down the street

Is the life that we celebrate only a dream?
A lie that we serve like a god made of stone
And our hearts are the hunter
Birds with no nesting place
Weary and aching for home

My best friend, the one I come home to.

I had a great time on Easter, church was awesome and home group dinner was fun and relaxing. When I came home and I had a few quiet minutes alone with the Lord, and I had this feeling I have never had before, I knew Jesus was my best friend.

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