eHA

some of my recent observations about joining eHarmony

eH, is hard on my self esteem..... dude like really??  I am not pretty enough for YOU? 
i know that sounds mean, but 45 year old men are not gods gift either. that sounded shallow, oh well .
 its amazing how much you can like someone from their profile, i wonder if in real life you'd be like... Hum no. i think its part fantasy the whole "profile" thing  and chemistry is a weird thing , like at least for me, its not always exactly how they look or what they say , sometimes attraction is undefinable.  one thing  i learned about myself from the like 40 matches in 2 weeks is, i don't like guys that look unhealthy. like " I'm 45 and i look like i might bite the big one from a heart attack any minute now".yuck. You can have a face like molding clay left in the sun, and i wont bat an eye, but if you look like you are not gonna drop dead from clogged arteries, I recoil. this is probably hypocritical of me since i am chubby. But really its not about weight per say,  just the old sick man look. Another observation i have,  some guys  when i read their profiles i swear i see what the "X" was like, it is like  they are building a case for someone not like her. i think i did that in the beginning too, my profile was a bit intimidating.  my 17 year old niece pointed that out :) Well i just changed it, lets see if anyone will talk to me now?  i am a bit self reliant , sure of myself and strong. that should not be the only foot i put forward.  well, anyway on a more personal note, for my blog that none but my BFF reads ( thank you PJ) I had to do some real searching in my heart, the word, and prayer to know if  1. was i was biblically divorced 2. do i have the freedom to marry again 3. how was i going to glorify God in this?   these question are answered and i have warmed my kids up more to the idea. i am trying to make sure  they know they are number one and i would not put any need i might have before their needs or well being.
so wish me eluck!!. :)